How to register as a resident in Antwerp

Step 1. First of all go to the website

Follow the instructions in English to the correct page

Step 2. Once you click the provided link use Google translate to translate the fucking thing.

Step 3. Then arrange an appointment

Step 4. Go to your email and use google translate to decipher the email

Tip : When going to the appointment make sure you bring everything you need

Step 5. After the appointment you will need to ask a Flemish Speaking friend (FPF) to translate the first email as google translate is fucking useless. Turns out only about 12 people speak this dialect.

Step 6. Make a new appointment and ask a ‘FSF’ to translate the email – you’re sorted now !

Step 7. Go to the correct appointment with the correct documentation

Tip : Take notes and try and figure out what they are saying to you and then ask ‘FSF’ to help you sort this shite out once and for all.

Step 8. Learn Dutch. Tip: Watch the TV propaganda soap-opera ‘Thuis’.

Step 9. Develop an unhealthy drinking routine.

Step 10. Repeat step 1 . and hope you get it this time .

Step 11. Wait 2 weeks

Hopefully by this stage something will have arrived by post or email (it wont be email)

Tip : If nothing has arrived and you have alienated ‘FSF’ due to excessive requests to “translate this shit” while heavily intoxicated, simply use google translate and your newly aquired ‘Thuis’ vocabulary to get a rough estimation of everything that you might need.

Tip : Just bring everything ; Passport, bank account, Official letter with home address, Official Letter with New residence address, 12 month bank statement and income details, police clearance cert, qualifications Certificates, Belgian Police clearance cert and a signed alcoholic rehabilitation attendance form.

Step 12. Repeat Step 1 and hold off from drinking until after the appointment.

Step 13. Get health Insurance – You’ll need it for the alcohol abuse.

Then you’re probably done. If not you will get a letter or something. You’ll probably figure it out.

Welcome to Antwerp !!!!